Five Wishes for the New Premiership Season

It's back then.  After three stress free months of European Championships that England knew they wouldn't win, then tennis, golf and the Olympics, we are back into the sport that we take, and takes itself, far too seriously...football.  As we kick off 2012-13 I want to see changes, and these are they.  My five wishes for the new football season.

1 - All commentators and pundits are sent on a refereeing course

Jonathan Pearce, I'm thinking particularly of you.  You've an opinion on everything, said with the authority of someone who knows the rulebook inside out but displaying the knowledge of someone who hasn't even given it a glance.

"There was contact" you'll say, or "it definitely touched his arm" as if either was worthy of an instant free kick or penalty.  And whoever is back in the studio will agree.

You are all wrong, but your opinions get listened to and taken as gospel.  Given this, I propose that all commentators and pundits be licensed. 

For either job you must take a course on a) English (yes, YOU, Alan Shearer) and b) refereeing.  Then you might understand that handball has to be deliberate, which would be a start.

Feel free to add your own module to the curriculum, reader.

2. Luiz Suarez shows us his talent rather than his inner El Hadj Diouf

Luiz Suarez is a brilliant player.  He has the talent to frighten any defence and the potential to spearhead the Brendan Rogers revolution to the brink of Champions League qualification.

But he is also a hateful twonk.  His diving is beyond ridiculous, his on pitch attitude is snarling to referees and opposition alike, and his complete lack of contrition when being found to be a liar by an independent panel and then dragging his club and manager's reputation into the gutter with him were shocking.

My plea to Luiz is that he cuts it out and show us his pace, his skill and his shooting ability.   I think he might enjoy it more too, and it would be great to bring another side into the Champions League mix, adding to the excitement of a terrific league.

3. 'Football' teams continue to thrive

Everybody loves a side that gets it down and plays.  Swansea were a joy to watch last season, apart from when beating your team.  Blackpool the season before managed to play with a style that was only scuppered by a soft defence that couldn't quite back up the work that their under-estimated forward line had done.

I'd much rather teams with the ability to open up teams with possession and passing survive than those who rely on the Charlie Taylor 'get in in the mixer' school of football.  Nothing against Stoke (and probably West Ham) supporters, they'd rather their teams play football too, but I suspect your methods have to fail first to see the football you pay for.

4. Players stop falling over at the slightest touch.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....fat chance.  Let's re-title that.

4. Referees consider whether the 'contact' was what made the player fall over

As I've already discussed, the 'there was contact' line is all too often peddled by commentators and football writers, as though a miniscule touch caused the player to hurtle towards the turf like Usain Bolt towards a finish line. 

The trouble is, referee's are stuck between a rock and a hard place.  It's either a free kick or a yellow card.  He's been fouled or he's dived.  Perhaps they need a third way, and start considering waving play on for 'embellishment'.

I want referees to start considering whether the touch that the player got is was really got them to fall over.  Or did they embellish it to try to win a free kick. 

There is often contact - football is a contact sport, but we see in every game examples of determination to win the ball, where two players go head to head with pace and strength to win it.  So how come around the penalty box they suddenly lose all sense of balance when a toe prods their boot? 

Ashley Young was the most high profile of the embellishers last season, but every team has them.  Ballotelli likes a fall, and we've already covered Luiz Suarez.  I hope that when they fall to the ground and look in expectation they see a referee telling them to stop being such a wet blanket and get up.  Give it a few weeks and they'd soon be staying upright, and making the game a much better spectacle for it.

5. City win it.

Of course, I want it to be super-entertaining and hugely close for the independent viewer, but I also want Manchester City to amass 114 points and a goal difference of +380.  As do you for your team.  Enjoy the season.